sooo it's been a while since I wrote something on my blog.
If you follow my YouTube channel or my Instagram you might know that times have been a little bit turbulent here in the Faery Headquarters.
I had an accident with my bicycle and the result is a tibial plateau fracture.
I was in the hospital for nine days and as I write this post now it has already four and a half weeks since my surgery.
The first two weeks were very difficult for me, you get easily frustrated and angry, but at some point you can manage it better, and there comes a time you know you just need to surrender to the situation; you can't do anything about it anyway.
My life slowed down immensely, and my only obligations now are to show up on time for my doctor's and physiotherapy appointments. No chores, no walks with the dogs, no work, there is just really nothing else that I have to do.
I'm very glad that I'm not too much in pain, but just uncomfortable, so I don't need to take any painkillers.
However you get used to that slow lifestyle quite quickly. My mornings are now very different than before; I get up have a coffee do some exercises so my muscles don't go entirely to sleep, and than I either read, watch TV, or I draw a bit. When my husband is at home we manage to go out a bit. A few days ago I got the okay from the doctor to put some weight on my leg , 20 kg to be precise, it isn't much, but I don't have to hop around on one leg anymore, and it feels so much more like walking again. I still take the wheelchair with me, as I get tired very quickly but at least I can walk a few hundred meters; and let me tell you; my muscles burn like hell.
The rest of the day is pretty much the same, I try to help with a few chores as best as I can, but of course I can't do that much yet.
Everything I do is really slow, feeding the dogs for example takes a lot of time when I have to steer around on my office chair.
Walking is a whole new process; you become so aware of every step you take. Usually I was often distracted when I went on a walk with my dogs, thinking about the million things I still have to do, but now I just think about not putting to much weight on my leg and to properly roll my foot. You become very present in the here and now.
During the last weeks I also learned who really cares about me, and my mum has been an incredible help for us. She takes me to my appointments when my hubby is working, she takes the dogs out, and even helps us with the chores. I'm so happy she is around. My brother visited me a few times in the hospital and at home and keeps suggesting me PS4 games, in case I get bored, and he's right, if there ever is a time you can play games without feeling guilty it is now.
But I also learned another lesson, one that honestly stings a bit; not everybody of your friends and family will care that much about you.
I don't want to dwell on this topic for too long, as I learned this lesson during my depression already a few months ago, but as soon as you don't function as usual some people will just disappear at some point.
The worst thing however is that it didn't surprised me at all that I didn't even get a message, a quick check in, from some people. I understand that others still have a busy life (or some of them at least), but taking a minute or two to check in shouldn't be something that is too much of a bother.
To be fair I got the maybe I can help phrase, but I told that person to contact my hubby, as he has to organize everything, he still waits for a message.
Here I have to praise my hubby; he takes care of everything at the moment, all my chores, the dogs, the garden, taking me to my appointments and go to work every day.
I feel so bad and guilty that I burden him with all that stuff, it isn't easy for him, and so few people help out. I'm worried about him, as he is often under stress and it has an impact on his health as well.
I cannot thank this wonderful man enough for everything he does. I just wish he would receive some help as well.
People actually know what you need help with, for example my mum keeps checking in when we need somebody to walk the dogs, and the most important thing, there are no strings attached; she comes to my house, takes the dogs, get them back, checks if I need anything and then she's back on her way. Sometimes it is still expected that I play hostess now, time for a coffee and a problem solving discussion, but I have to tell you, anybody who comes here will see how tired I get. I don't know why, but as the day progress I get awfully tired, and yes naps are part of my day now as well. It probably has to do with the medication that I have to take, but I'm not sure.
But yes, lesson learned, I know now whom to trust and care for.
On a more positive note, I really have to say I was astounded how much the online community cared for me. I got many comments, messages and emails from people I have never met in real life. Every time my heart lightens up when I see something like that. I was never sure how much you really matter in an online world, especially as I have not much followers, but so many of you did send me such good vibes.
This made this time so much easier and I will always be grateful that I could make this experience.
Somebody even sent me a Tarot deck as a thank you for my Faery Course. I was really touched by this gesture.
To all of you I send you my warmest hugs!
Another good thing is that I finally have the time to study the runes, so far it is a really interesting journey, but I'm still at the very beginning of it. However my little notebook gets fuller and fuller and I also discovered a great channel on YouTube, check it out here if you are interested in anything about the northern mythology. Arith Härger is very knowledgeable, his videos are incredible informative and still very fun to watch.
And of course I appreciate to have more time to read, can I just say that I love Kindle unlimited, thank you for making this time fun, a little bit of escapism for me now.
I'm also able to get out in the garden again and luckily the weather is lovely at the moment. I can connect with the good neighbors and I can do some of my readings outside again.
By the way I will still take some time off before I start offering readings again, this weird tiredness really kicks in fast and I don't think I would give you great readings at this point, as I often have to take breaks in between.
So now I'm sitting here, wondering if I should even post this.... it reads a little bit bitter at some points, and I might hurt somebody's feelings. I am at this point not even that angry anymore, I just now where I'm at. But I always used my blog for some private thoughts, that I wouldn't necessary make public on YouTube, and yet I actually I do hesitate now again because I don't want to hurt anybody.
Hmm I think I will put it up for a while I can still take it down again, do I overthink this now ?
I wish you all a beautiful day and I'm sending you hugs, love and blessings